I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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