playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
she told me i tasted like america
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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