Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
