As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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