I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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