That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
