I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
