I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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