Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Just puked most of my soul out..
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
