Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He has the fingertips of a God
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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