What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
