yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
