its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
