Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
