I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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