Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
