tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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