The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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