I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
