my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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