I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
