Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
