Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
