I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
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