WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
