I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
