So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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