at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
