Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize