So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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