I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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