the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
the day after is always just damage control
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
