I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
