i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
