Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
