I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
