Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
