Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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