someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
