We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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