I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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