Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
FUCK WHALES
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
