question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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