Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
