Your tits are I can't wait for
this beer tastes like vomit already
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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