Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
