Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
