Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize