this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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