do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We named our party play list daddy issues
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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