I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
