I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
