even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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