I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
