i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
