I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
