Got a toothbrush?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
