The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize
