i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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