You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
time to smoke my breakfast
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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