why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
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I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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