just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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