Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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