Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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