I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
