Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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