if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just forgot I was standing up.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
