kristin has been a bad kristin
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
